Lady Esther's Story: My First Love

My name is Esther Paul. I am a 23-year-old senior who is studying Journalism and Video production at Rutgers University. In my free time I record YouTube videos based on my mistakes, experiences, and journey with Christ, under Esther Paul.

I grew up in a Christian home. Throughout my lifetime my mom has been in kingdom ministry, she served as a treasurer, Sunday school teacher and camp counselor. So, yea I knew about God but I didn’t have a relationship with him. I thought to be a Christian meant to be good. If I didn’t do all the ‘Big Bad Things’ other girls did, then I was in the clear.

During my teenage years, I always felt as if I was missing out. I thought everyone was experiencing all the good things in life and I was not. One of the main things I thought I was missing out on was a teenage love story. I thought to experience the greatest love I would ever have was to get it from a man. I was also reading a lot of erotica novels that give you the wrong idea of what true love entails. However, my mom was strict, and I knew she would never approve of me having a boyfriend. At the time, I thought she was robbing me of an experience.

So, if I did have a male friend, I was interested in I kept it secret. Many of the guys I spoke with were not that ever interested in a relationship and I blamed that on me having to keep it a secret. If they did express interest, it was never for long so I assumed I would always have a void in my life, a void that only a man would fill.

The Secret Love

At the age of 15, I thought I was finally going to have my love story when I started dating a “church guy.” However, it was anything but love. It was a lustful infatuation. It was focused on kissing, touching and nothing Godly. We were just quite immature and filled with lust. None of us had a clue what true love meant. Not long after, I had to migrate from South America to the U.S. At the time, I thought I was once again robbed of love. I was sad for a long time so I didn’t try to get into another relationship right away. I still felt there was a void in my life.

When I was 20 years old, I met a guy I never thought I would be interested. He was everything that was bad for me. His lifestyle was also so different from mine. I remember boasting around him and his group of friends that I would never have guys in my room the way they had girls over. Yes, I was judgmental and boastful. It’s quite ironic then that I got in a relationship with the same guy. I was so desperate that I settled. In fact, we never loved each other. He never uttered the words to me, and I never did to him. I knew it was the furthest thing from a relationship, but I hung on. I ended up losing my virginity to this guy.

I couldn’t figure out why I did it. The relationship also ended shortly after. I felt so embarrassed. I thought it was the worst mistake I could ever make in life. Even more, I saw myself as damaged goods. I imagined that God was so angry and ashamed of me that he would not use me, allow me to get married to any of his Godly sons, or even forgive me. Of course, I was wrong.

Returned Home To My First Love

A few months later I joined my cousin’s church where I received some prophesies. It was through those words spoken over my life that I realized God still loved me. He was ready for me to return to him as well as forgive me. I was still worth it and the only love that would be able to fill my void was God’s love.

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1

We might condemn ourselves and even others, but God does not condemn. No matter how far away we turn from Christ he is always ready with open arms to receive us. Even more, it is worth waiting on what God has planned for your life, whether in relationship, business, or even school. It is only who God has for you what he says about you that matters. I am now at the point in my life where if my desires don’t align with Christ’s for my life, it has to go.

Ladies!! Ladies!! I trust that you have learnt from Lady Esther's story. She is shining beautifully because she has acknowledged her wrong choices and made a conscious decision to return home to her First Love Jesus Christ. She has overcome and has built strength as a result of her rekindling her relationship with her "First Love", the Lord. She is living an overcomer lifestyle, and is using her testimony to change the lives of young girls and women. The Lord Almighty is capable of filling the void in our life and loving us unconditionally like no one else can, all for His Glory. Ladies, your journey to healing begins with you first owning your suffering even when it feels like no one cares.

I love you Sis!!

I pray that you will receive ALL that the Lord has in store for your life.

Stay Blessed!!

Go ahead and “Girl Just Shine”.