“Two people must be willing to make the marriage work. At the altar we say we are willing, but when we get into the marriage, it’s not always both people”. “The one thing I needed to figure out was what forgiveness looks like, and how I was going to forgive my Ex-Husband”. Danita Lynne, Author
Ms. Danita Lynne is a beautiful mother of a nine year old boy whom she adores. By profession, she is an Educator and Sign Language Interpreter who is passionate about language and equal access to language for all. Ms. Danita is the Founder of the English & Sign Language Masters, LLC (ESLM), where her award-winning service as an advocate, instructor, and interpreter bridge the language gap between individuals who are hearing and deaf/hard-of-hearing. She is the author of the book “The other side of un-forgiveness”, which is changing women lives around the globe. Ms. Danita's love for writing has caused her to work with public figures, and authors providing them with editing and proofreading services. She believes in making life better for others.
The CEO of ShineBeautifully was honored to interview Ms. Danita regarding her life’s journey. We discussed marriage, the sting of divorce, unforgiveness, forgiveness and her role as an author. There is no doubt that Ms. Danita is using her platform to change the lives of women around the world with her message of “forgiveness”. She is indeed a woman who is shining beautifully as a result of overcoming “a hurt so deep”, which was caused by a divorce. Ms. Danita gracefully owns her story; forgiven her ex-husband who caused her tremendous pain, and overcame what was meant to kill her internally.
During the interview she affirmed that “if we’re going to believe that all things work together for our good, then we can’t be so concerned about happened; we’re just going to have to figure out what is the lesson”. She made referenced to a question from her local church Pastor “what is this moment designed to teach me?” She believes we must figure out what the moment was meant to teach us, learn from the moment, and we should maximize the moment. When in the situation, Ms. Danita says “she would ask the Lord to show her the lesson, so she can get out of that situation”.
Owning Her Story
ShineBeautifully encourages every woman to “Own Her Story” because there is beauty in every story regardless of how it feels or looks. It is truly beautiful to see Ms. Danita owning her story, empowering women across the globe with her wisdom, knowledge, and experience of forgiveness”. During our chat, Ms. Danita mentioned that people are timid about sharing their story because they do not realize what they can get from it. She said “after someone shares their story one time; they would realize the freedom that comes with it”. There is a burden that’s lifted after speaking out that will check their perspective; but they have to just speak out. She mentioned that people who are bitten once, get the bug, “I can’t stop I have to keep doing it”. I jump at every opportunity to share my story because I get something every time I speak about it.
The First Marriage & Heartache
Ms. Danita’s first Marriage lasted for ten months; she was married in 2001 and divorced in 2002. Due to the divorce, she suffered tremendous emotional and psychological pain. During our chat, she shared that “the marriage did not survive to even celebrate our first wedding anniversary”. She recalled her parents had gifted her and her ex-husband an anniversary trip; however, that trip became a girl friends trip. She emphasized just wanting to be away from mess during that season of her life.
The marriage came to devastating end because her ex-husband was not willing to speak all of the truth surrounding his unfaithfulness. Ms. Danita wanted her ex-husband to share the whole truth regarding his unfaithfulness to their marriage as it was one of her requirements. She deemed this a requirement because she did not want to uncover more of his wrong doings after forgiving him. She was also willing to attend counseling sessions to save their dying marriage; however, her ex-husband was not willing to go the extra mile. She believed that these steps would have helped her to heal from the pain she was experiencing. She mentioned being outside of his girlfriend house waiting for him to come out, but infidelity wasn’t what ended the marriage since she was willing to forgive. Her desire to know the whole truth regarding her ex-husband unfaithfulness grew, but he was not willing to share more than she already knew.
A Hurtful Journey
How do you feel as a result of the Divorce? There was hurt, embarrassment (it’s a choice), offended (offense), and depressed. The biggest of them all was walking in offense (“offended”). Ms. Danita felt she gave her best to her ex-husband who pursued her diligently. She explained, that the feeling of being rejected caused her emotional anguish because she “brought a sacrifice to the altar that was not consumed”. The feeling of rejection to her best offering was something she couldn’t understand, and it was a pain she couldn’t explain. Everything about her life flipped; she had sleepless days and nights. She couldn’t remember being employed at the time and how she sustained herself financially. Ms. Danita endured severe mental and emotional stress during that season of her life.
Ms. Danita knew she needed to get herself together; she recalled telling herself “it’s not you, he is tripping”. She said having a good circle of girlfriends that would say “I am coming to get you, you are getting out of there; you will not stay in this house was necessary. I had to come to the realization that the whole time I was believing God for saving my marriage, I was so focus on believing God for something that I wasn’t believing God”. She shared on how she was believing God for him to keep her, but more so in the confines of her situation, “she got married and thought that they would be beautiful together”. Ms. Danita wasn’t believing God that no matter what happens, he’s in control and that she will be okay. When she finally got to the point where she believed that "God's got me, and I’m going to be okay" that’s when the healing started. She finally came to a place where put on a cute outfit again, and didn’t let myself “go down”.
A look at Self-Destruction
Were you self-destructive? Ms. Danita knew her ex-husband was caring, so she figured that if she put herself in the position for him to have to care about her, he’d realize he loves her. She had thoughts on what could she do to make him care? If she would put herself in a position for him to care, then he would show that he loves her and that he care; and they will make it through. She didn’t have thought out plans, she would be like what if I rolled in the ditch? She wasn’t trying to take her own life but more so to get his attention. She quickly picked herself up from wanting to be self-destructive because if she destroys herself it will defeat the purpose of getting him to love her, she thought.
Nuggets for singles intending to be Married
Singles must always pay attention to who they are dating. There is no need to worry about the idea of just being in a relationship as oppose to the relationship itself. We find ways to settle, we find ways to say that’s not that bad, or we can work on that; but what people don’t realize is that when you are dating you’re supposed to be putting forth your best effort. Even though, people say you have to keep it 100%, some people are still putting on their best face during dating. If their best face is upsetting or disrespectful to you, just know it’s not going to get better when in a marriage. You need to ask yourself if nothing changes how long can I last; and if you can’t say you will be in it for the long haul if nothing changes, then you need to move on from that relationship.
Nuggets for Married Women on sustaining the Marriage
Married couples need grace to grow and grace to change. She shared that “she used to tell her son’s father (her 2nd ex-husband) that her intentions was never to hurt you”. You have to know that I love you with my heart, and if I hurt you it wasn’t intentional. If you understand that, then you can give me the grace to grow. She mentioned that they developed signs, if one of them is doing something that annoys the other there must be a signal to stop. Ms. Danita explained that sometimes couples may not realize they are being annoying to each other. We all do things that annoys other people and if we do that then we have to accept that other people are doing the same thing. Also, we should give them that space that we want for ourselves. She says “she is quick to forgive because she knows she is really good at messing it up”. Whenever you are tying to correct your spouse, it is important to know what to say and when to say. For example, if he had a hard day; it will not be the right time to bombard your spouse with the problem. She talk about finding balance and being able to find space to discuss what is affecting each other.
Un-forgiveness after the Divorce
What was it like to live in un-forgiveness? Ms. Danita mentioned being a ticking time bomb and didn’t know when she would go off. She had zero control over her life and emotions; everything and everybody was in a position to trigger some type of response that wasn’t necessary.
A living Overcomer
Ms. Danita expressed how she feels about being an overcomer as she walks in forgiveness, which give an insight to her Shining Beautifully. She believes there is an inner joy when anyone would have overcome deep hurts. She feels free walking as an overcomer. Every time she shares her story, she feels free. Ms. Danita tells women to know that “you are worthy, you are enough, you are beautiful, now is the time to get it together girl because you have work to do”. She believes that letting go of the weight of un-forgiveness would allow you enjoy living as an overcomer.
Ladies!! Ladies!! I’ve learnt so much from Ms. Danita about marriage, rejection, walking in un-forgiveness and forgiveness, as well as, living life as an overcomer. I do trust that you too learnt from her and are encouraged to live a healthy life. Listen, your journey to healthy living begins with you taking care of yourself, your mental and disciplining your emotions.
I love you Sis, & pray that you will receive ALL that the Lord has in store for your life.
May you flourish in your God given Assignment
Stay Blessed!!
Go ahead and “Girl Just Shine”.
Yours Truly,
Ms. Ongel
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